Food Thief
by Chained and Tortured
Summary: Malik and Bakura are on a diet. Why? Who knows! But they don't like it. There not allowed sweets! So join them as they travel from house to house searching for them! A little extreme? Not for these two! MY FIRST YAOI! MalikxBakura and some others....
1. Joey's food and Shizuka's love life

Cat: This is my first Yaoi so be nice!

Bakura: I thought you were reposting it.

Cat: (TT) I am.

Disclaimer: Tormented Innocence does not own YGO

XXXXXX

"Oh man! Come on Isis I had rice and Veggie's yesterday and the day before how come I have to have it today to?" asked Malik. "Besides Marik get's to eat cake!"

"Malik Marik is older then you," said Isis. "Now finish you veggie's."

"Please master Malik finish them Master Marik is to eat next." said Odion.

Malik mumbled something but finished his Veggie's anyway. All the while cursing Marik in as many ways possible in his head.

"Oh great your almost done little brother.I'm starving." said Marik coming in.

Isis had made him call Malik little brother and Malik call Marik big brother and Marik had agreed straight away. Malik on the other hand was a whole different story, he had screamed and cursed and even tryed calling everyone in the YGO gang for help.

Marik bowed politely to Isis. "Older sister you look breath taking," he smiled charmingly then turned to Odion. "and as usual Odion you dish smells delicius."

Odion gave a small smile. "Thankyou Master Malik."

'So that's how he does it.' thought Malik. 'Well may as well give it a shot.'

"Hey Isis do you know tht that dress covers your massive amount of fat, and Odion your vegitables weren't as burnt as usual." next he tried to smile like Marik had but it came out as a maniacal smile.

Isis and Odion both went red and it was then Malik, for the first time ever, had realised how big they were, and gulped.

Marik was smirking his hikari could be so stupid sometimes. Now he would get extra food. "Isis don't blame him he was probably just trying to be funny."

"Oh Marik you are so kind It's hard to believe that three months ago you..." Isis sighed. "I'll let him off with out dessert this time."

Malik got up and walked out of the room. 'Not like I was gonna get anything but rice anyway.' He waited 'till everyone was asleep. 'OK so all I've got to do is go to every house in the neighber hood and take one piece of food they won't miss, easy ne? I just hope Bakura will help I can't get into houses just like that.'

Malik climbed out of bed slowly, and walked out of his room but before he did he heard Marik say.

"Don't worry hikari the tomb robber will agree he happens to be in the exact same position as you." and then chuckled.

'What did Marik mean exact same position? Aw man Ryou! I owe you my stomach! he walked out of the house hoping no one had heard the door close. He walked for a while that was untill someone grabbed him.

"Ok pretty boy, cough up some cash or we'll force it outta you." It was the voice of a man probably about 30 or 35.

'Shit! I left my knife home! Aw man! This is just great and I don't even have any money besides even if I did and I gave it to him he would probably beat me up anyway! I'm dead and on an empty stomach! Life sucks!''

"You'd better drop the so called 'Pretty boy' or else you shall suffer my wrath!" said a voice from behind them.

'Bakura? What the hell is he doing here?'

**Saving your but pretty boy.**

'Hurry up Bakura! I can feel breath draining.'

**Stop being dramatic your reminding me of the Pharaoh. Besides this takes time.**

"Get lost! Find your own lay!" shouted the man.

Both Bakura and Malik looked disgusted. 'THAT'S WHAT HE WAS GONNA DO?'

"Listen I don't want him like _that _I just need him. No wait what am I saying? Damn! Dog boy and monkey boy they are making me loose my Innocence!"

"What Innocence?" asked Malik and the man together.

"Shutup and give me Malik now!" Bakura shouted.

"Umm sure if you need him that bad, I can always find myself another whore." said the man shrugging and he left them both wide eyed.

Bakura was first to snap out of it. "Ok pretty boy your hungry right?"

"Atleast let me get out of here before you start!" shouted the man.

(O.O) "Umm Bakura? Maybe we should start looking through houses to find food that is what were gonna do isn't it?" asked Malik.

"Yes Malik that is what were gonna do. Now let's go." said Bakura he walked foreward accidently tripping over a bin. "AHHHH!" and hit the ground with a thud.

A secound later they heard someone shout. "Lucky bastard."

(O.O) umm Bakura let's hurry I don't like it here." said Malik.

"Ditto." said Bakura.

Later:

"Ok Bakura who's are first victim?" asked Malik as he and Bakura decided which house to steal food from first.

"I say dog boy he has more food then anyone combined." said Bakura looking down on a list he wrote Joey's name first. "I'll tick it of when we get what we need from him."

"Alright let's go steal Joey's food. I can just imagine his face when his ditz of a sister tells him there out of food." said Malik. (Cat: I may be reposting this... but I still don't like her.)

They walked up to Joey's house. Bakura reached in to his pockets and pulled out a hairpin.

"Bakura! Is that yours?" shouted Malik at Bakura looking from him to the hairpin. Back and forth, forth and back and so on.

"No you Idiot! -pause- It's Ryou's."

Malik burst out laughing, "Ryou? No wonder his hair is always so neat! Hey Bakura? Ryou's not gay is he?" said Malik once he had stopped laughing.

"I hope not, otherwise since I'm good looking and all he'll probably..." they both knew what was coming next.

(o.o) "You don't think he already has do you?" said Malik.

(o.o) "I hope not." said Bakura.

"Wh-who's th-there? I'm war-warning you! I'm arm-armed!" shouted Serenity she had gotten out of bed because she had heard noises and being the light sleeper she was the noises had wokeb her up.

Bakura and Malik looked at each other. 'Uh oh...'

Theey both jumped behind the bushes. Serenity opened the back door and looked around.

"Nothing? I guess I'm imagining things." Suddenly out of nowhere she screamed "Malik!"

The two in the bushes jumped had she seen them?

"Why! This is all your fault! I'm going crazy because I love you!" shouted Serenity then she went inside as though nothing happened leaving both boys wide eyed.

Bakura sniggered, "Maybe we should come later when were sure she's asleep otherwise your gonna probably end up in her bed by force and before you ask yes she has strenth like that she did it to dice boy and monkey boy."

Malik's eyes widened, "Does Joey know?"

"Ofcourse. He taught her." said Bakura pulling Malik out of the bushes and away from the house.

"No we aren't leaving not after having no supper, almost being raped and then finding out the truth about Serenity. There is no way were leaving with out food!"

"Yeah!" said Bakura along with him. "Besides if we get caught your gonna get raped not me!"

Malik looked petrified. "Maybe this is a bad Idea."

"You scared?"

"No!"

"Then let's go!" said Bakura grabbing the hairpin again and unlocking the door.

"Please let her be asleep!" whispered Malik.

"Ahh," There was a voice Bakura and Malik looked everwhere there was no place to hide.

"Sorry but I if this ever happens to me I want it to be with Mazaki." said Bakura and pushed Malik on the figure.

Malik hit the person and immidiatel knew this wasn't Serenity. "Umm hi?"

"It's you!" said the person running to the light and putting it on. When it was on they saw who it was.

"The rapist!" shouted Malik running behind Bakura.

"What're you doing in my house?" asked the rapist.

"You house? This is the ditzes and dog boys gouse AKA Joey and Serenity!" said Bakura

"Yup and I'm their father." said the rapist who I am now gonna call Joey's rapist father.

"Your...your there dad?" asked Bakura backing away.

"Yup!" said Joey's rapist father.

**Ok Malik when I count to three I want you to run to the fridge and take out all the food you can. You got that? While I open the door.**

'Alright.'

**One**

'Two'

**Three! Run!**

With that Bakura ran towards the door opening it and Malik ran to the fridge and took out as much food as he could carry. Either Joey's rapist father was asleep or this was where Serenity got her half from. He just stood there watching mouth opened as Bakura and Malik stole half the food in his frindge.

"Ok today's robbery has been comited tomorrow we do the pharaoh." said Bakura while putting a buger in his mouth and taking out the list crossing Joey's name of and the writing The pharaoh under it.

"Ok the Pharaoh it is," said Malik stuffing an apple in his mouth. "Mazaki next?" he asked

"Why? We should leave Mazaki out of it." said Bakura.

"Why? Do you have facination with Mazaki?" asked Malik.

"Ok we'll steal from Mazaki then we'll steal from you." said Bakura.

"What! Listen we'll steal just a little from Mazaki Ok?" asked Malik.

"Fine but not to much." said Bakura

"Ok let's part ways, and I'll see you tomorrow to steal more food." said Malik walking of in the direction of his house.

"Midnight at the kame shop." said Bakura nodding at him and turning towards Ryou's house.

Next morning:

"Good morning Isis, Odion." said Marik coming down the stairs in his pyjamas.

"Good morning Marik. Your breakfast's on the table." said Isis smiling.

"Morning world!" shouted Malik from the top of the stairs and jumped down. (Cat: -still drooling- ) Malik unlike Marik was fully dressed he was wearing a black T-shirt with baggy black trousers. "Isis, Odion I apoligize for my behavier last night." he said smiling. 'Man I am totally lucky Joey had so much sweets and coke in his fridge just enough to keep me awake the last few hours and for me to get up before Marik.'

"Malik? Is that you?" said Isis who was having trouble believing that Malik was up early and also dressed. "You? Your up earlier then usual." she said.

'Let's see how he handels this.' thought Marik watching in amusement but then again the look Isis had on could keep him amused for hours. 'To bad I don't have a camera.'

"Well Isis you can't really blame me can you? With such a delicius smell coming from the kitchen." answered Malik.

Odion gave him a suspicious look but smiled anyway. 'It isn't everyday Malik has the sence to say good morning or that smells great normally it's just mornin' yawn or what the hell is this!'

With Bakura:

"I hope you didn't take to much from Joey." said Ryou watching Bakura eat breakfast, he had asked Bakura to help Malik like this but he wouldn't so he took a page out of Isis's book and gave Bakura nothing but rice and vegitables.

"The moron won't miss it, you know his family would probably be richer then Kaiba if he went on a diet to eat the amount of normall people for a few days. With the amount of food in their fridge it would probably be three days at most for them to get rich that is." said Bakura through the massive amount of food in his mouth. Which was still from Joey's fridge.

"I'm still confused about the museum." confessed Ryou.

"What's to be confused about hikari? It's a place where they put things that are really old. Do you think we should ask them if they'll take Yugi's grandfather?" asked Bakura

"I doubt they would old guy has a bladder problem. But that's not what I'm confused about." said Ryou sighing.

"Ryou I'm also confused about something Malik said." said Bakura

"You and Malik are friends now? I thought you hated each other." said Ryou.

"We do. But we don't you know."

"Oh."

There was an odd pause between them.

"Ehm." coughed Ryou, Bakura looked at him. "What were you confused about Bakura?" asked Ryou.

"Umm well you see your hair pin." fumbled Bakura

"What about it?" asked Ryou

"Are you... you know?"

"Not unless you tell me." said Ryou who was geting annoyed.

"Gay!" shouted Bakura.

"Yes. Didn't you know?" asked Ryou tooken aback.

"N-no!" said Bakura blushing. 'Gods I wonder what it feels like. Would Malik know? Wait why do I care?'

"Well I'm sorry you didn't know I thought everyone did," said Ryou. "But that would explain alot about you. Anyway my turn to be confused. Why do you think Kaiba-san let Isis-san take the museum again and with even a better buissines deal?"

Bakura snorted. "Your just as oblivious as I am. Wait that didn't come out right. Anyway the reason is because they have a thing for each other."

"Really? Wow! Just like you and Malik!" aid Ryou.

Bakura chicked on his drink. "Wh-what! But Mazaki!"

Ryou just blinked. "Oh yeah that's just a normal crush you'll get over it. Actually you already have."

XXXXX

Cat: I doubt I'll get much reviews for this.

Bakura: Why not?

Cat: I dunno. I just feel.

Bakura: Oh. Maybe because you forgot to tell them to review?

Cat: Oh, yeah. (o.ou)

Bakura: (-.-) How do I get stuck with her?

Cat: Ok, then. REVIEW!


	2. Stupid phone's!

Cat: Yes yes, you thought I was going to leave this story no?

Bakura: Yes.

Cat: (-.-) It's just this is my first Yaoi all my other fic's are strate.

**Kitsunegirl4ever: (Sweatdrop) Umm, yeah ok. Cookie for the first reviewer.**

**Kotori-Chan: Thanx!**

**Ruby eyed girl: (Sweatdrop) Yeah, I know. Incase your thinking it's a Bakura/Anzu it's not. This IS a yaoi! Bakura/Malik. Yes I fiquired I'd see what it was like to write this. Thanx!**

**PrepMassacre: Updated!**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own YGO!_**

XXXXX

Isis smiled and walked around the house barking orders at Malik and Odion as she did her hair.

"Odion! The couch has crisps on it! Malik you missed a spot!" she said happily.

Once they were done Malik sighed. "Isis why did you make us go through that?"

"Well," smiled Isis. "Anzu is coming over for dinner."

"Ugh!" Malik frowned. "That stupid frendship prea-"

"MALIK ISHTAR! DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT ABOUT ANZU!" screamed Isis, her happy mood suddenly upside down. "Now finish your work!" she shouted.

"Isis, is something wrong?" the door opened and Marik blinked.

"No, ofcourse not Marik." smiled Isis.

Malik mentally growled. Stupid Marik kissing upto Isis.

Marik grinned. "I was just wondering if I could use the phone?"

Isis blinked. "Umm, sure. May I ask why?"

Marik grinned, this was sure gonna get under Malik's skin. "I want to call Bakura-_kun!_"

(O.O)

"Bakura-_kun?_" screamed Malik suddenly. "Why the hell are you calling him _kun?."_

Marik stopped himself from smirking. "Why Malik! Are you jelouse of my and Bakura-_kun_'s relationship?"

Malik's eyes widened even more. "RELATIONSHIP?"

Marik grinned. "It's been two weeks. Didn't he tell you? We've been dating."

Malik's eyes practicly popped out of his head. "NO!"

Isis and Odion had left the room a LONG time agon, but Marik and Malik hadn't noticed.

**Ring, ring.**

'Saved by the bell' thought Isis as she heard Malik mutter a curse.

"I'll get it!" shouted Marik running to the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello?" came Ryou's soft voice.

Marik grinned. "Hello _Bakura-kun."_ he wasn't exactly lying was he? It was Ryou's last name after all.

"Hello _Malik-kun!"_

Malik's eyes popped out. Bakura was on the phone and he was sure he had heard him say _Marik-kun! _'So? What do I care?'

Bakura:

Ryou says he's calling someone because it's important. Maybe he has a new boyfriend.

"Ugh!" Ryou sighed. "Why won't he pick up?"

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "Who won't pick up?"

Ryou smiled slightly. "Ugh, that Malik Ishtar!"

Bakura stiffened.

"I mean, he stood me up! And now? He's to chicken to pick up the phone. Honestly, why did he even bother buying all that chocolate, wearing a tux, combing his hair AND putting on matching shoes, if he was going to stand me up?" Ryou now had tears in his eyes.

Bakura's eyes went huge. Malik was _gay?_ And he liked _Ryou? _

Ryou was trying not to laugh his head of. Malik asked him on no date. Heck, he hadn't even called him yet. He and Marik had been talking to each other right after Malik and Bakura went out to food raid, and decided they were going to be playing matchmakers.

Bakura on the other hand was practicly having a heart attack. Just what did Malik see in Ryou? What did Ryou have that made Malik, in Ryou's words, buy chocolate, wear a tux, comb his hair AND put on matching shoes? 'Wait! Why do I care? I'm not gay! And if Malik wants to be, who cares?'

Ryou had just REALLY called the Ishtars hoping Marik would pick up, then part two!

"Hello?"

Ryou grinned. "Hello?"

"Hello Bakura_-kun!"_

Bakura stiffened. He heard... kun.

Ryou put on his best upset voice. "Hello Malik_-kun!"_

"Bakura-kun, is something wrong?" came Marik's concerned and confused voice.

"Malik! You baka! How could you stand me up?" he cried into the phone.

Bakura sweatdropped.

"Bakura-kun, I'm so sorry, I was bus-"

"Busy? Busy? That's what you said last time Malik!"

Bakura's eyes widened. Just how long had Malik and Marik been dating?

"Bakura-kun, I swear it was an accident." came the soft reasoning reply. "Why else would I, buy all that chocolate, wear a tux, comb my hair AND put on matching shoes, to apoligize t-"

"Apoligize?" Ryou cried in a raspy voice. Bakura was guessing it was because of the crying, although it was amazing how alike he and Ryou sounded. "That's why? That's why you took me out? To see if you could get me in your bed again?"

Bakura's eyes were now in danger of falling of. Again?

"Bakura-kun! I swear! That whore meant nothing to me! It was just for fun!"

What was for fun? asked Bakura mentally.

Ryou frowned. "Malik-kun, if I forgive you, will you promise to be loyal this time?"

Bakura gulped. Loyal?

There was silence on the other line.

"Ofcourse Bakura-kun."

Ryou smiled. "Ok, good bye, my handsome Malik."

"Goodbye, my sweet Bakura."

Malik:

"Hello Malik_-kun!" _The voice was upset. What did Marik do to Bakura?

"Bakura-kun, is something wrong?" Marik said in a concerned and confused voice.

Malik growled. How he wanted to puch his _brother _square in the face.

"Malik! You baka! How could you stand me up?" came a very raspy shout. It was definitely Bakura.

Marik sighed softly "Bakura-kun, I'm so sorry, I was bus-"

"Busy? Busy? That's what you said last time Malik!"

Malik's eyes went huge, last time? I mean it was bad enough that his yami was gay. But to stand Bakura up?

"Bakura-kun, I swear it was an accident. Why else would I, buy all that chocolate, wear a tux, comb my hair AND put on matching shoes, to apoligize t-"

"Apoligize? That's why? That's why you took me out? To see if you could get me in your bed again?"

Again? Holy Ra! This was very, very wrong! It was supposed to be him and Bakura! 'No wait, why did I think that? Bakura's just my friend!'

"Bakura-kun! I swear! That whore meant nothing to me! It was just for fun!" Marik cried into the phone.

'Holy Ra! My yami cheated on Bakura!'

"Malik-kun, if I forgive you, will you promise to be loyal this time?"

Malik gulped, did he hear loyal?

Marik was silent for a while. And it looked as though he was gonna say no.

'Please say no! Please say no!' Malik thought. 'What if he agree's to be loyal? What then?' Malik gulped.

"Ofcourse Bakura-kun."

"Ok, good bye, my handsome Malik."

(O.O) 'Handsome Marik? Did Bakura say handsome? It sure sounded that way! But then again I'm having difficulty hearing.'

"Goodbye, my sweet Bakura." Marik hung up and before leaving, sent Malik a deadly smirk.

Malik had no clue why he was feeling this was. He felt broken, hurt and like life wasn't worth living. He sighed. Nothing could make him feel better.

**Ring, ring.**

Malik groaned. 'Stupid phone! You've cause enough trouble. Now you want to cause more? I wish I had lazer eyes or something, then I could blast you to phone hell!' But he got up and answered it anyway.

"Hello, this Malik Ishtar, whoever the hell you are, go to he-" he was cut of by a new york accent.

"Malik! I need your 'elp! Someone stole my food! I ain't got no breakfast!" shouted Joey, he sounded like he had just cried.

"Joey, didn't you have breakfast earlier? It's 1:05p.m." Mentally Malik snickered.

"Well, I don't get up early. Mostly 'cause my dad goes out late to rape some guy."

(o.oU) 'Believe me I know.' "Oh Joey! That must be terrible! How do you and Shizuka survive?" 'Yeah, right. Your father takes money from people before actually raping them.'

"Sniff, sniff."

Malik's groaned mentally. 'Please tell me that wasn't him!'

"Purrrrrrr."

Malik sweatdropped. "Joey? Did you just pur?"

"Hmmm, no Malik, why?"

Malik sighed in relief. "No reason. But if that wasn't you? Who was it?"

"Oh Maaalliiiiiik!"

'Ra no...'

"Shizuka! Get of teh phone!" came Joey's scream.

"Gimme! I wanna talk to Malik!"

"Ahhhhhhh!"

Apparantly Shizuka had won.

"Hi Malik!" Shizuka chriped.

Malik had half the mind to slam the phonee down and scream. "Hey Shizuka."

"You know Malik, I had a dream about you."

Malik gulped. 'Please don't tell me about it!' "Y-y-you d-d-don-don't s-say?"

"Oh yeah... I do, believe me _I do. _Wanna hear how I chained you to my bed and humped you senceless?"

'Holy Ra! She's a he?' "W-wh-what?"

"Shizuka! Get of teh phone now! Tristan's at the door, say's sometin' about humps!"

(X.X)

"Ok, big brother! I'll tell ya later Malik!"

"O-o-o-o-ok." He looked up. 'Please let me die before then!'

" 'Ello Malik? Sorry about Shizuka, but don' worry. I'll have some food from Yami and Yug, Ok?"

"But that's where me and Bakura are gon- I mean, no! Get some from Mazak- I mean, Anzu! I bet she had tuns of food and she's the only one stup- I mean, kind enough to give it to you!"

"Yeah, your righ'! Ok thanks Malik bye!"

**Dial tone.**

Malik looked at the phone. "I am sooo into sending letters."

XXXXX

Cat: (Sweatdrop) Yes. That was short.

Bakura: (Nodds)

Cat: So next chapter Bakura and Malik rob the Kame shop.

Bakura: Incase your wondering, one chapter at a time will be thieving and the next will be nonsence like this.

Cat: (Nodds) Marik and Ryou time actually.

Bakura: REVIEW!

Cat: I LOVE YOU YAMI!


End file.
